Apathy

Vaden leans heavily on his desk, papers strewn about, an empty bottle of his favorite wine, Luminaire Red YC 73, lying on its side near the edge of his desk. He stares at the holographic image of his parents as he has often done.

Many times I wonder if my previous attitudes were incorrect. Have I chosen the right path? Or, barring the path itself, have I chosen the best way to walk that path?

I've spent some time reviewing my previous logs. Word of your death reached me months ago, and I claimed I felt nothing. Obviously, that was a lie brought on by over a year of Drop addiction. I do feel...responsible, if not guilty. It is an uncomfortably alien emotion for me. In the station, there is a small festival going on for some local holiday. It reminds me of the ceremonies we attended years ago, when I was a boy, before I went to the academy. I remember those times, times of faith and fellowship.

I miss that feeling. I have a family in the Ghosts, I suppose. But the ones that understand me are gone or unavailable. Vince left for Veto, something I have still not reconciled to. Yishal left, and joined the damned CVA, of all places. I wonder if the Cartel is leading her as a sleeper agent much as I had been in Laconian. Inara is busy being a... a whore, I guess would be best. She, and those two giggling brats Repentance and Morwen seem more interested in shopping than serving a criminal organization. The whole damn immorality of it stings my Amarrian bones. From Morwen I could understand, being a godless Gallentean. But Repentance and Inara come from more traditional cultures and should know better.

He sighs, setting the empty wine bottle upright as he reaches for a full bottle behind him.

What does it matter, really? I prefer to spend my time in seclusion here on the Immolation, time for recollection and study. I talked with Leo briefly, a much ado about nothing, before he promptly excused himself. I don't think he likes talking to a Sani Sabik. Seems thats all people see me as nowadays. Not that I really care what other people think. Just another sign of apathy.